Yesterday was Time to Talk Day, and the theme was to brave the big talk. I focused on chronic illness-related talking for my blog and socials, but I started thinking today that “Big talk” is often the things we daren’t say because we fear the response.

For example, when you want to tell someone that you are unhappy with something they did, said, or the way they treated you. Many people settle into a mindset of I’m just going to let it go to keep the peace, or anything for an easy life. Or, you might think about it for too long and then think the time has passed to approach it.

For me, that’s simply not how it should be. If you don’t voice when you are unhappy and what you are unhappy about, how can you expect anything to change? Often, it won’t.

Why the stress isn’t worth it

When we hold these things in, we might think we’re protecting a relationship, but we’re often harming our own bodies. Stress responses play out in the body in physical ways, such as releasing cortisol, flooding the system with adrenaline, and dysregulating the immune system so it loses its ability to turn off the inflammatory response.

This creates the perfect environment for a flare to thrive, making the link between stress and the gut-brain connection an important factor for us all to understand. If you’re living in a constant state of stress because you’re afraid to speak up, your body is likely paying the price.

Maybe you fear the drama or a fallout, or maybe there’s some deep-rooted fear of abandonment playing into it.

Choosing growth and the right people

If there’s drama, you don’t need to engage with it. You say what you need to say, respectfully, and if drama ensues, you walk away; whether that’s until things calm down or for good, is up to you.

If there’s a fallout, it is the same process. Disagreeing is fine, but being disrespectful, unkind, or harmful is not. If you’ve activated someone’s protection responses and they lash out, try to be understanding of that. Consider whether there was a better way you might have phrased or approached it, and learn for next time. Ultimately, it has the potential to strengthen the relationship.

Fear of abandonment? Been there! Listen, if you’re abandoned for sharing your truth, they are not your people. It really is as simple as that. I know it might hurt to hear it, and feel it, and experience it, but it is true. And if it’s pushing all of those I’m not enough buttons, please know that you’re not alone in that.

Does it feel good? Hell no! But it does mean the situation is a prime time for growth. We grow through challenging emotions and situations. Without them, it’s very easy to just stay stuck. So do me a favour, remind yourself who the F you are.

You are good enough. ✨

And you speaking your truth sets a boundary. It says, “This is what I will and will not accept, and it’s up to you which side of that line you stand on.” You can’t please everybody all of the time, but if you’re being true to yourself, you will find that you have your people around you. These are the relationships that actually nurture you, rather than drain you. Nobody else really matters.

Remember, your peace is your responsibility. 💜