If you read my previous blog about how my IBD has impacted my family planning, then you’ll know that my previous surgeries left me thinking that natural conception was probably not on the cards. A Jpouch (replacement rectum made from loops of small intestine) is a known contributor to tubal factor infertility in women because of where it is. I had a Jpouch built, re-built, and removed.

Not feeling able to have a conversation about children

In February 2021, after lots of bitting and bobbing of conversations with my partner, not really feeling like I was able to have a proper one without knowing for certain, I bit the bullet and wrote an email to my inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) nurse. My finger hovered over the send button for some time. Did I actually want to know if I’m broken?

SENT:
I just want to know whether I can just decide to try for a baby (I know the stats), or whether I should have a conversation with Viv beforehand about possible complications etc?

The response:
No need talk with Viv. If you feel the time is right and as you say you are aware of the stats then you can go on to try and conceive if you wish.
If/when you are pregnant then it would be wise the obstetric care is consultant lead and you may choose to have the care at Jessop’s.

For reference, Viv is my Gastroenterologist and Jessops is a maternity care unit at a hospital further away, who are better equipped to deal with more complex pregnancies.

I felt a little bit disappointed by the response because I was hoping for more support. For someone to acknowledge how difficult and BIG this felt for me.

I now realise I was probably just a bit desperate to feel supported, by anyone. I knew this journey was going to be emotional and fairly lonely. Of course, I was going through it with my partner, but I wasn’t going to be talking to anyone else about it. I didn’t share it as it was happening because I didn’t want people to know. Partly just because it’s personal, but also because I didn’t want to feel any pressure to talk when I didn’t feel like it. Nor did I want to be constantly asked how it was going. Or worse still, “Are you pregnant yet?”, because I knew it was unlikely. I have learnt from being unwell all of these years how frustrated I get when I have to keep repeating the same thing to people, and I imagined that’s how it would be.

We came off contraception with no expectations. Definitely some hope, on my part, but no expectations. Normally, I meticulously plan things. If I knew we could conceive naturally then I’d have been online researching all of the things we could be doing to help, and checking what I should be doing to keep tiny multiplying cells healthy. I didn’t do that. I knew I couldn’t do that because that would lead my brain somewhere I couldn’t allow it to go. Planning stages. Expecting stages. Which I knew would likely lead to disappointment, upset, anger… A whole heap of negative crap I didn’t want to allow into my life and my brain. My heart.

Reaching out to the GP about fertility testing

Four months later I contacted my GP surgery and requested to be referred for tests to check the viability of my fallopian tubes. In my head was a conversation I’d had with a GP many years ago. I was told I needed to try and fail to conceive for twelve months before I could have a referral for any tests, so I was expecting a battle. She was actually very accommodating. She said she felt that my medical history and age (I was 33 at the time) warranted a referral.

Worth knowing: If you’re in your mid-thirties you can usually be referred after trying for only six months, as fertility decline speeds up after that.

I waited patiently for my gynaecology appointment letter. This was the 21st of June.

I felt very torn. I wanted answers one way or another, but I wasn’t really sure how I would deal with a flat “no”. I was just hopeful that it would be better than not knowing. 61 weeks is the average waiting time to be seen in Gynae at the moment, so, I tried to put it to the back of my mind.

I checked the online system to see if the referral had gone through 5 weeks later and couldn’t see anything. Obviously, it hadn’t quite made it right to the back of my mind. I called the GP to check if they could see something I couldn’t. They couldn’t. The referral hadn’t even been sent yet! I was suddenly less impressed with the GP I’d spoken to… A note was put on the system for the doctor I’d spoken to to actually action it. One week later, on August 2^nd, it was finally done. So, 61 weeks plus another 6 then, yeah?! Safe to say I was p***ed!

I got a letter from the Gynaecology department very quickly, just stating they were reviewing my referral, and to call and chase if I hadn’t heard anything 2 weeks later. I was, at least, impressed by that.