Do you ever feel like you’re losing hope? Research says people with long-term health conditions are more likely to suffer from mental health problems. I don’t know why we need research to tell us that. As someone that’s had chronic health issues since 2007, I can confidently say… Well, duh! How can someone constantly dealing with barriers, pain, false starts etc. not feel down and overwhelmed by it, sometimes?

I’m not an optimist

I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m eternally optimistic. I feel that optimism insinuates an expectation of a positive outcome. I don’t expect a positive outcome, but I do always hope for one. I consider myself to be eternally hopeful.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes, it feels like I’m desperately clinging onto hope, for I fear that if I let it go, even for a moment, I’ll fall into despair.

I choose hope

Truth be told, I’m fundamentally a realist. I see the reality and I acknowledge it. For me, hope is a choice. Hope is essential. I always choose hope, regardless of whether the realist in me knows that the outcome might not be what I’m actually hoping for…

At times, being eternally hopeful can feel like a real balancing act. I don’t want to be so hopeful that I fool myself into expecting the unrealistic. I don’t want to be so hopeful that I feel incredibly disappointed if the outcome is not what I’d hoped for. But, holding onto hope and being positive matters to me.

Without hope, I don’t think I’d have been able to keep going through all of the pain and illness. I’ve been hopeful as I’ve gone through diagnostic processes, tried new medications, and had surgery after surgery. Of course, that means I’ve also experienced disappointment when the results aren’t what I hoped for, the medication didn’t help, and the surgery didn’t make much difference. However, I’ve experienced letting that hope slip away because I’m tired and I feel like I’ve had enough of it all, and that place was dark. That’s a place I never want to visit again. I’ll take disappointment over hopelessness any day!

Even now, as every day is a day I experience a lot of pain, I still go to bed every night hopeful that tomorrow will be better. What else can I do?!