I have never been keen on letting people become involved in my life as I feel that this is my burden to carry. I am not a pleasant ‘sick person’. I do what I need to do and then I like to shut off, rest, and not be disturbed, nagged, or told how to feel better – what to eat or when to to sleep. I am irritatable (and irritating), irrational, snappy, angry at everything and nothing, and functioning purely on autopilot a lot of the time. Then comes the real ‘can’t be medicated better’ sickness that requires surgery and long hospital stays. The fear and the sadness in the eyes of the people who care about you is too much for me to handle and guilt is not something I want more of.

So what?

How do we release ourselves from this constant fear of what if?

What if I spend this money but then I need time off work?
What if they can’t handle me when I’m sick?
What if I am not well enough to take that holiday?

What if they leave when I need them the most?

Or worse still, what if they stay out of guilt?

What if….

How do we ‘live’ if we’re in constant fear that our ‘life’ might be taken away?